nanalo666
Managing the household while keeping your little ones happy, cared for, and in line is no easy feat. It’s a grueling process that demands both your time and effort, but trust me, it’s worth it.
No one ever gets it right the first time around, but I’m here to share all I’ve learned throughout my years of being a mother. In the second edition of “Motherhood & me,” we go through boring playtimes, picky eaters, and how to introduce a brand-new member of your family.
READ: Motherhood & me: Sleep patterns, mama tribes, and discipline at home
Photo by JT Fernandez
1. The truth is, I find playing with my three and one-year-old kind of boring. I’m not naturally creative and I came from an analytical/corporate background before becoming a stay-at-home mom. Is there any real fun or joy to be found in play? I find it especially challenging with my three-year-old who wants to play “lions” all day.
I may be many things but what I am not is the kind of mom who can sit there and play with my children for hours on end. After around 30 minutes in the playroom, I tend to get distracted and start thinking about all the things I need to be doing. Other times I end up sitting on my phone and everything goes downhill from there.
I hated that it felt like a chore, that I had to force myself to play with them because I would feel guilty if I didn’t. I had to change my mindset!
Before entertaining your little ones, set a time limit that would indicate how long you will be playing with them. Whether it’s three minutes, 10 minutes, or 30 minutes—whatever duration you settle on—be mindful that you are present and engaged with your kids for that time. Once that has passed, intentionally shift over to an activity they can do solo.
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Have the initial plan to play “lions” but back it up with other activities that will last a while. For example, my kids love drawing—see how you go from there. You have a three-year-old and a one-year-old. Your one-year-old will really just be crawling around, so make sure to place age-appropriate toys around him/her. And yes, your three-year-old will be asking you a billion questions and yes it’s very repetitive, but there really is so much joy found in play once you find what you like to do together.
They’re soon going to be four and later they’re going to be five and six and seven, and you won’t ever have to worry about this. So while you’re in it and it’s boring for you, savor it, because one day they won’t ask you to play with them anymore.
Here are some phrases I use with my girls when I prepare them for independent play: “Can you create something for me?” or “Draw me your biggest dream.” And then I stay in the room with them—still being physically present but I like to read my own book or I will color with them too sometimes. I have mastered not being on the phone in front of my kids which has helped them with their attention to their activities. So you just need to make sure that there are age-appropriate toys in their reach.
However, despite all that, I believe that children need to be bored. They need to know how to be comfortable with sitting with boredom and not knowing what to do with themselves. It is at this moment that they are forced to develop and use their imagination.
You don’t need to be the creative one, you just need to explain to them that you won’t be sitting around and playing all day. It’s all about clearing it up to them so they don’t feel like they’re being rejected. And inside their little and imaginative brains, they would end up having some sense of “Okay, mom is still in the room with me, okay, I’m going to create something amazing.”
Remember this on your tough days: They’re soon going to be four and later they’re going to be five and six and seven, and you won’t ever have to worry about this. So while you’re in it and it’s boring for you, savor it because one day they won’t ask you to play with them anymore.
2. My kids are super picky eaters. They’re not adventurous eaters and require a lot of coaxing to get them to finish their meals. We are traveling soon and will be visiting a lot of restaurants. How can I prepare my kids (and us) for this experience?I was chatting with another mom the other day and we were comparing notes on what our kids eat. Our children were eating soupy combinations—a lot of rice, chicken tinola, and that’s it. But the truth of the matter is even if they have the same meal every day and they’re not complaining about it, it’s fine—after all, there is still nutritional value in that minimal selection of food. As long as it’s real food and not out of a packet!
They say children should eat the rainbow but I also believe that forcing them to be more adventurous with their food can also push them into not wanting to eat at all.
Here is an example of what my kids eat on rotation: chicken tinola (but just the soup and sayote), chicken schnitzel and crumbed fish fingers (that they make with me), bone broth and spaghetti, pasta with butter and salt, cucumber and cherry tomatoes (but it has to be strictly cherry tomatoes), peeled red apples, mangoes, bananas, eggs, cheese sticks, and yogurt.
They eat the same thing every day and that’s okay because they’re still developing their palate. Occasionally I’ll have them try something new, but I never put any expectations or pressure on them. I want them to enjoy food. You’re not alone in having non-adventurous eaters.
They say children should eat the rainbow but I also believe that forcing them to be more adventurous with their food can also push them into not wanting to eat at all.
“Forcing them to be more adventurous with their food can also push them into not wanting to eat at all.” | Photo by JT Fernandez
Instead of telling your child to eat an apple or carrot because it’s good for them, explain the reasons why it’s good for them. For example: Red food, like apples, is good for their heart. Carrots, on the other hand, can help you see in the dark. 50/50 it helps and if it doesn’t, it sure does spike their curiosity for next time.
What I do during mealtime is I put the food down and say to them, “Eat as much as you like. It’s up to you. You know your body and you tell me when you’ve had enough. And if you don’t like this, then we can explore other meals together.” Suggest this to yaya too because she needs to adopt your words so the kids feel supported and everyone is on the same page. I also find that children preparing their own meals are more likely to eat what they make, so try to get them involved.
Instead of telling your child to eat an apple or carrot because it’s good for them, explain why.
When traveling, I pack a snack box that contains a variety of things: cucumbers, cheese sticks, apples, flatbread, cherry tomatoes, crackers, and maybe a milk box. I pick easy things the kids can grab and easily munch on so they can graze and eat something they’re more familiar with. And instead of going to a restaurant and trying to make them eat something they’ve never seen before—if all they want is spaghetti, then give it to them. It’s not the end of the world.
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Wouldn’t you rather have a happy child than one screaming at you in a restaurant? Pick your battles. We want to create a positive relationship with our kids and food. They’re most likely fine and this “picky” eating phase is just them developing.
However, always check with your pediatrician for any further food concerns, especially if your child isn’t growing—just to make sure they’re hitting their milestones.
3. I am eight months pregnant and I want to prepare my son to be a kuya. He is three and he doesn’t seem to have any interest in the coming baby no matter how we bring it up. We also don’t want it to be a complete surprise. Do we let him come to terms with this in his own time or do we find other ways to prepare him for the arrival of his sibling?I gave birth to my youngest when my eldest was two-and-a-half. She was excited but a little bit overwhelmed at the same time. Verbal and mental prep before the arrival—remember, it’s a huge adjustment, so take the time to answer all the questions he has. Connection and simple explanation are key.
Unfortunately, not all elder siblings are open to sharing their parents and it’s a scary thought. Simply validate his feelings and comfort him by always reminding him that you aren’t going anywhere and that you’re all just growing together as a family. Expound on how much more fun things will be, and the possibilities of the new adventures he is going to have with his sibling one day.
Unfortunately, not all elder siblings are open to sharing their parents and it’s a scary thought. Simply validate his feelings and comfort him by always reminding him that you aren’t going anywhere and that you’re all just growing together as a family.
Now preparing for their first meeting—my best advice is to buy a gift from your unborn baby to the soon-to-be kuya. I know it sounds crazy but hear me out, because we did this and it worked!
What we did was when we went to the hospital, I sat down our two-and-a-half-year-old and told her, “Mom and papa are going to go to the hospital and we are going to bring back your new baby sister.” Explain it in whatever way you have been explaining to him how babies come out of Mama’s body, but I’d suggest keeping the details simple and clear. We just said we had to go “pick her up” from the hospital and luckily she had no other questions.
And then this is where the gift comes in, when your son comes home and meets his new brother for the first time, have the gift there and say, “Oh look how thoughtful, your little brother has a gift for you! He wants to say thank you for sharing mama and papa with him.”
The Centenera family | Photo from Tricia Centenera
I always tell my girls that having a sibling is a blessing because you go through life with a best friend. At firstnanalo666, they didn’t get it and maybe still don’t but some days I feel they do. I’m sure when they are older they will fully understand, just as I have with my five other siblings.
We did that with our daughter and she responded so well to it. We bought her a little wooden fishing game and a little soft chair (that she had been wanting) and it diffused the pushback of feelings because all kids love gifts and it also got her engaged. She wanted to feel included and connected even if she didn’t know how to express that. As her parents we made sure she felt secure and not threatened by her new sister. So gift-giving is like a peace offering.
Please note: This is not a bribe, it’s a gift that’s intended to send the message that “You are seen and heard by the newborn, you aren’t being replaced by him, and I am still here to play with you.”
I always tell my girls that having a sibling is a blessing because you go through life with a best friend. At first, they didn’t get it and maybe still don’t but some days I feel they do. I’m sure when they are older they will fully understand, just as I have with my five other siblings.